I just sleep. Sleep till the last minute. The last minute till wherever it is I have to be. I miss feeling bliss. Wasn’t that God’s gift for making up for the deep darkness that is otherwise around? Every action is looked at through a different lens. There is no “natural”. The stigma is so real. I would say I felt numb but that would be a much more comfortable state. I feel broken. The self loathing robs me of little moments of joy. I am jaded. I am lost. My heart and mind are screaming for help. My body is holding them hostage. My soul is restless to be free. So tired of fighting myself.
I keep track of the days by my pill containers.